Lost and Now I am Found

It is interesting when you realize you've lost yourself.  It's a moment of panic.  It's a moment of walls closing in.  Of doubting yourself and who you've become.  It's scary at first, that's for sure, but I've realized that it's truly a good moment.  Freshmen year has been a blast.  I've met so many people, I've learned great things about the gospel and about the world, I've grown in all kinds of ways. But, yes I lost myself.  I shrunk.  I haven't sung in front of a huge group.  I haven't taken any leadership opportunities.  I haven't made proper use of the talents the Lord has given me.  And it's a real shame.  One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson which says, " Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine; as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us."  I know I shrunk first semester.  Maybe because every Mormon around me is freaking good at everything.  Maybe because I was afraid of what I could accomplish.  Maybe because I felt like I couldn't add up.  Whatever the reason, I'm done with it.  I had a friend who helped me see the good in me.  Who made me feel special, like I had something new to offer.  Someone who reminded me of who I am.  He has given me great confidence in myself.  It is with this new confidence in myself that I have started to let my light shine.  I am planning building activities, acting as a "drama queen" in our ward's skit, and just trying to make the best use of my talents.  Yes, they are little steps, but they are steps back to the person I am.   You see, I realized that I lost myself when those feelings of nervousness, frustration, overwhelming joy that comes from shining filled my soul.  That point I realized I lost myself, was the moment in which I realized I found myself again.